OM NOM NOM



Really?



Based on the above statement, I have no option but to boldly say Kate Moss is on crack.

I've always hated that statement. However, I've never been thin, so I have no idea if skinny feels better than poutine tastes.  Maybe it does.  All I know is, poutine is friggin delicious.



FOODGASM

With that said, a life of "treating myself" (which is in quotes because it's not truly a "treat" if it's a daily or even weekly indulgence) on things like delicious, amazing poutine has caused me to be, um...let's call it "less than healthy."

Why is poutine more appealing than celery?  Why does a bacon cheeseburger sound amazing right now, even though I've been a pescetarian for almost a year?  Why does tartar sauce make most fish taste better?  How did our taste buds and/or preferences get so messed up?



"Heeeeeeeeeelp me!"


My husband and I were recently talking, and he had what I consider to be a brilliant thought. Our dog, Taco, eats what he's given. Occasionally, that's a small piece of bacon.  Usually not, because he's a little shit. But on a daily basis, he eats Iams.  He happily snarfs it down, blissfully unaware of the deliciousness being cooked mere feet from his dog bowls.



Lucky bastard.

What if humans had food that came in bags, was nutritionally balanced, came in a few formulas for varying needs (ie low fat, grain free, etc), and we could just pour a bowl and eat it?

I know what you're thinking..."Angie, such foods DO exist, and they're called organic fruits and vegetables, lean proteins, and whole grains."  Settle down, hippie, I'm aware of that.

That doesn't count. We still have to choose organic produce, whole grains, and lean proteins among the sea of crap.  We still have to prepare them properly. 

I want to be fed like cattle.  The items I eat and amount of them is specifically chosen for me and no other options are presented. 

Too bad this brilliant idea would not work.  Humans, unfortunately, are too smart and too sneaky for that nonsense.  We're like junk food ninjas.

Pictured above: me

Sugar, fat, and salt taste good.  Plain and simple.  Bacon tastes better than celery.  Pizza is generally more appealing than a salad.  Anyone who says differently is either lying or has a serious sensory problem and should see their doctor immediately if it lasts longer than four hours.

My bad...that's a DIFFERENT problem.

*Sigh*
I guess humans have two strikes against them from the start.  We're smart and sneaky, and we're programmed to like things that are bad for us.  There is no factory reset to turn off the "fat sugar and salt are delicious" setting and turn on the "I want vegetables all the time" setting.  Guess I'm just going to have to think carefully about what I eat, weigh my decisions, and make good choices.

Also, FOOD IS AMAZING!  It's delicious and powerful fuel. We socialize with it.  It's the basis for numerous holiday celebrations and family/group gatherings. The memories we make and share surrounding food are an integral part of the human experience.

So Kate Moss, shut your face.  I'm changing your quote.

Take THAT.