Remember the time a bra made me cry?

I DO!  IT WAS TODAY!

I have been anxiously awaiting the arrival of my new Enell bra.  I started running with the hubs recently, but until I found a decent sports bra, it's been hard to do much of it.  I've been wearing three bras and still having to hold my boobs cleverly with my arms when I run so as not to put an eye out or straight up get sore jugs.  It's awful and awkward and probably unattractive.

Well after polling my friends, doing copious amounts of research, and trying on the "sports bras" offered at Lane Bryant (the ONLY store within 50 miles of my that carries halfway decent plus sized underthings), I ordered the Enell 100, the sports bra to end all sports bras.  Online reviews said it would strap you in like nothing else, eliminate all bounce, and that their sizing system is "idiot proof and flawless."

I measured myself and ordered one.

And waited.

It came today.  I was so excited when I got the USPS email notification that it had arrived!  I couldn't wait to rush home from work and try it on.

I snatched it from the mailbox, stripped down in the living room and tried it on.

It's horrible.

The band is tight, as advertised.  The website states that it may feel too small at first, but this is part of the design/support.  Ok, I thought, As I continued hooking it up.  I adjusted myself.  I looked down.  Hmmm...this looks weird.  I went into the bathroom and checked myself out in the mirror.

While the band is so tight I can barely breathe, the cups are HUGE.  Like, so huge I could smuggle oranges or possibly my twelve pound dog.  The straps are too long (and not adjustable) and it provides no support whatsoever, because the cups, which I measured to fit myself, are ginormous.

I stared at myself and cried.  Over a fucking bra.

To most of you, this probably seems ridiculous.  Maybe I need a nap.  Maybe I have PMS.

Maybe let me explain.

When you spend your entire life not fitting into things you want to, and not looking pretty in things you want to, and you find a garment specifically designed for women with your body type, a garment to make your new fitness routine that you are so excited about a little less awkward and painful, and it doesn't fit you even a little bit, it pretty much makes you want to crawl into a hole and never come out.

Fuck bras.  Fuck boobs.  I'm really pissed.